Adios. I'm Off to Peru

Here is a photo of a flower.

It is obligatory, because of my blog name. Other than that, this article has nothing to do with gardening.

It has to do with fear. Yes fear, Silly unreasonable nonsensical fear.At 4:00 Saturday morning I will leave for the airport with a group of my friends and fly to Peru. I will leave my husband and my children for ten days.
I will go to a Spanish immersion school. I just want to laugh when I say that out loud, Spanish immersion school. I have a lot of nerve going to a Spanish immersion school.

I have enough trouble with English.

I have never left my boys for more than one day.

When I was pregnant, several people told me that having kids would change everything. Some things do change in big ways. Like, you are no longer the center of the universe. Some little drooling, bald, round human—with no teeth and who can’t speak English—takes your place.

But there are subtle changes that happen, also.

Before I had kids, I wasn’t afraid of anything. I would get on a plane with fifty bucks in my pocket, no hotel reservation, and some distant relatives’ old address in my backpack and just go. I would travel to third-world countries with nothing but the smile on my face. I slept in train stations, on beaches, on buses, on benches, in hostels, in campgrounds, in cars, and in trenches.

O.K. Enough of that.

Ever since I gave birth to my boys, fear began to lurk. It started innocently enough. I made people wash their hands with Purell before they touched my children. I did background checks on their playmates’ parents. I searched the Megan’s law database on a regular basis. And I wrapped my boys in bubble wrap when they went out to play

I left my older son with my mother for one night when he was a baby. I called her fourteen times. My husband counted—fourteen.

I stayed in the wine country with my girlfriends for one night about six years ago. That wasn’t so bad.

Three months ago, I accepted an invitation to go to Peru with some of my friends, leaving behind my husband and two boys for ten days. This seemed like such a great idea three months ago.

Now the day has come and I am petrified.

What is it about life after children that makes life seem so scary?

Comments

[Kalyn]

Very exciting. Look forward to hearing about it. And I do think you are quite fearless. After all, you go surfing, which would terrify me.

[Aiyana]

I was exactly the same way. When my kids were on their own, the fear went away. I think it's a genetic imperative.
Have fun in Peru.
Vaya Con Dios,
Aiyana

[kate]

As your children get older, our fears gradually lessen ... or at least mine did. I still have moments of panic but I've also learned that we both can survive when we are apart. The best part is seeing your children again ...

I think it's wonderful you are going to an immersion course - many, many years ago, I went to one in Quebec and it amazed me how much French I learned in that time. Spending time with friends minus our children is food for the soul ... besides when you arrive home, your children will be so happy to see you and they'll be angelic for the first while ...

Hope you are having a wonderful time!