“Would you like us to resuscitate?”Is that a trick question? If I flat line, do you just call it a night and go out for a cheeseburger?
Of course I want you to resuscitate. If you can jump start me, feel free. I just don’t want to do that whole vegetable thing.
The next admin employee who approached me was looking for money. She had me sign something promising to pay. Thank God for insurance I would find out later.
I am a bit confused however, about the legality of signing something in the state I was in.
You see, at that precise moment, I had a rather strong cocktail of rattlesnake venom and Morphine pumping through my system.
Aren’t you supposed to sign legal papers when you’re of sound mind and body.” I think we all agree that neither my body nor my mind was particularly strong—or sound—at the moment my shaking hand attempted to scratch my signature across the page.
Shortly after signing my house over to some grifter, I attempted to sit up.
A nurse asked me what I thought I was doing. I told her I had to tinkle (I’m not sure of the exact wording). She told me I had two choices, neither one including getting up. Now, the last time I had a catheter I was unconscious. I wasn’t unconscious this time, but at least I was visiting with Mr. Morphine. The nurse said I would thank her later and hooked me up. I had gallons of fluids running through me so I not only thanked her later, I thanked her sooner.Doctors and Nurses alike were asking me the same questions over again. My favorites were, “What kind of snake bit you? Did you see it? Are you sure it was a rattlesnake?” First of all, we live in Northern California. The only venomous snake in Northern California is the rattlesnake. So after the second time the question was asked I started saying things like Cobra, Anaconda, Black Mamba. My humor was not appreciated.
I received my first does of Crofab at 5:40. It had taken the pharmacy two hours to deliver my first dose of antivenin. The swelling in my leg had traveled past my knee to my upper thigh.
I don’t know why it took so long to receive the antivenin, my guess is it is hard to find six people in a busy hospital who have nothing to do for forty minutes. It was hard to fault anybody. The hospital staff who were tending to me were extremely caring and professional. Well, with a couple exceptions.
Now the first bag of Crofab was almost empty, another one was on it's way and it was time to move me to ICU.
I was unhooked from my monitor and hooked up to a portable monitor equipped with paddles in case I coded on the way to ICU. I was ready to go but no one else was. So I sat there—staring at the paddles. The battery in the monitor beeped every few moments as if to remind the ER staff to start moving me down the hall. The beep sounded just like a cell phone running out of juice. So I was amused to see the entire staff checking their cell phones every time my monitor beeped.
Jill went home after spending three hours with me in the ER. I was taken up to ICU at around 7:00
My sausage foot waving good-bye to the ER and the curtain.