Spit—It’s A Good Thing

That rattlesnake kicked my a%#&. It has been five weeks since “the incident” and I am finally making it through the day without passing out in the afternoon and drooling on myself.

And speaking of drooling, at long last I am in the garden again.

I am putting a drip system in my veggie garden. I missed most of spring and it’s hard to believe that summer is next week, damn rattlesnake.

It has been mercifully cool so I haven’t lost any plants so far, but soon one of those weeks filled with sweltering temperatures is going to sneak up on me. I must act now.

Any one who has put in a drip system knows that it is hell trying to stick those tiny plastic parts into those little hoses. They even make a tool that helps you clamp on and push those teensy God-forsaken plastic pieces in without tearing your nails and rubbing your fingers raw. But, of course, I don’t have one of those clamp things.

There I sat pushing and pushing a double sided barb into a half inch hose, my fingers turning from red to purple, sweat beading up on my forehead, profanities spilling freely from my mouth. I finally pushed so hard the barb slipped across the hose and I drove it along with my freshly manicure nails into the dirt.

The barb was now plugged with dirt. You can’t just tap the dirt out; the stupid thing is too small. I could just throw it away and get a fresh one but I’m cheap. So I studied it for a minute, brought it to my mouth and sucked. I could make a thousand sexual jokes right about now, but the fact was that a chunk of dirt hitting the back of my throat a warp speed didn’t really make me feel all that sexy. It did however, make me hack and spit out the barb.
The barb and my throat were now dirt free. I picked up the spit- covered barb and proceeded to push it back into the hose and—pop—it clicked right in. Hmmmmm—spit’s a natural lubricant.

Why didn’t I think of this five years ago? Think of all the sore fingers I could have saved myself.

So in the future, if you’re putting in a drip system, remember to spit on all those little plastic pieces before you jam them into the hoses. Because spit—it’s a good thing.

Stumble It!

Comments

[Katie]

Now you tell me! This advice would have come in handy a year ago....

[Bruce Ashley]

If you run out of spit try using a lighter to heat up the tubing.

[Renee Kantola]

My husband drilled a small hole in the end of a block of wood. Works great on one side, never thought of spitting on the other.

[Candy Suter]

Very funny story! But I am curious...why didn't you blow! LOL But then I can see that little piece shooting out across the yard with more profanities!!!! Ha ha ha! I am really laughing. And hey I hope you get better soon after this snake bite thing. Who would have thought that the effects would have lasted this long! Happy 4th to you!

[Dee @ Red Dirt Ramblings]

I dearly love my irrigation system, and I'm so glad you're okay even if rattlesnake venom kicked your hiney. I mighta just turned up my toes and died. Your wit through the ordeal was priceless. Hope your friends enjoy the pie recipe.~~Dee

[Amie Sue]

you just found out that spit can be used as a lubricant? I find that hard to believe...

[chigiy]

Katie,
I know! I wish I'd thought about it sooner too.

Bruce,
Thank you for the advice. A lighter could be dangerous in my hands and I don't think I will ever run out of spit.

Renee,
Hummm a hole in the end of a block of wood. I will have to try this.

Candy,
I should have blow, then this article might have gone in a whole other direction.

Dee,
Thank you. I'm sure you would do great in a difficult situation.

Amie Sue,
Yes it is true, spit can be used as a lubricant. Just keep reading my blog
and you can learn a lot of handy tips.

[feralchick]

Every lab rat knows: #1 lubricant (for hose connections) = spit. #2 = rubbing alcohol.

[Carol]

That is good to know! (If I ever put in one of those drip irrigation systems.)