O.k., The chick I went to Costa Rica with, Erin, is tough. I mean, TOUGH. I thought I was tough, but she puts me to shame. So when you hear your tough, seasoned travel buddy scream from the bathroom, you know something is definitely wrong.
I jumped up and yelled through the door “Are you o.k.?
“Yes, but a huge spider just ran over my foot and freaked me out!”
She opened the door, and there it was, crouched in the corner of the floor between the toilet and the shower trying to appear much smaller than he was. Holy crap, that thing was the size of my palm.
Erin finished up and hurried out of the bathroom and out to the office to check out. I still had to go potty. So I gathered up the nerve and took a seat…about six inches from the biggest spider I have ever seen.
I looked at him, all huddled up in the corner, and I actually began to feel sorry for him. I decided that the maid in the next room was not going to think twice about killing an enormous spider standing between her and the ability to clean the bathroom floor. So I decided to save him.
I had a large wide-mouth quart glass jar. I opened the jar and pushed it toward the spider. I realized before I came within three feet of him that he wasn’t going to fit. So, of course, I opened the bathroom window. I grabbed the laminated mini-bar menu and climbed into the shower. I started to scoop the spider towards the window.
Now, I like to think of myself as brave and open-minded about creatures, but when that f---ing spider jumped into the air like someone had it on a string, I turned screaming and ran full force right into the tiled shower wall. The last time I saw a spider jump that high, I was watching Arachnophobia.
I peeked over my aching shoulder. The spider had settled back on the floor, so I took a deep breath, picked up the menu again, and decided to keep scooping till that fucker was out of there.
I pushed the menu toward it. It jumped, and I scooped again. It leapt up again, and this time I moved it within jumping distance of the window. I scooped one last time, and the spider flew (and I sort of batted it) the rest of the way out the window. I slammed the window, ran out of the bathroom and slammed that door too, as if the spider was now all pissed off and coming back through the window to get me.
On our way out, we decided to look at the view from our room one last time. One of the toucans we had been hearing but not seeing for two days was sitting in the tree outside the window, eating and sunning himself. Toucans are also known as “banana pushers,” because of the way they look when they fly.
And, I’m pretty sure they eat spiders.