The Gardeners Anonymous Blog

My trip to the San Francisco Flower and Garden Show

The SF flower and Garden Show snuck up on me this year.
My husband was on the east coast. I had field trips and reading and the school science fair kick-off—not to mention the usual over-scheduled events that my kids are into every week.

I came across an ad in the newspaper for The Show, and exclaimed “Holy blossoming billbergia, Batman, how am I going to find time to get there this year?”

I went through every day of that week in my head. Monday-physical therapy-no, Tuesday-field trip to San Juan Batista-no, Wednesday- computer lab and reading with second graders-no, Thursday-Spring school pictures (I’m the picture mom)-no, Friday Science fair kick-off.

I’m so not going. Holy dying dampiera diversifolia, what do I do now?

Turns out I had the picture day mixed up. At least this time one of my bumbling errors worked in my favor.

Now who am I going to get to go with me? All my friends are at least as busy as I am. I started to ask my friends. First I sent out an email to the general crowd. No takers. I received a few very sweet declines but most of my friends didn’t respond. So I decided on a different approach. I started calling the ones I thought would most enjoy a garden show. She said she had a scheduling conflict but she would love to go with me next year.

I was starting to feel a little desperate so I started calling the ones that wouldn’t want to go. Guess what? None of them wanted to go.

On the morning of The Show, I gave it one last shot. I showed up at Starbucks. My friends were there. I thought I'd just make one more desperate plea before I left. I actually ended up on my knees telling one of my friends that I would pay for her ticket, buy her lunch, anything else she wanted at The Show, and I would forgive the five dollars she owed me. She took a long sip on her non-fat, quad shot, venti, no foam latte, looked at me and said, “It’s just not my thing, sorry.”

Driving up to SF I started to ponder why it was so important to have a friend along. Did I think I’d have more fun? Did I need someone to bounce ideas off of? Someone I could have lunch with? Someone who would hold my purse while I went to the bathroom?

It finally dawned on me half way through The Show. I was having a great time by myself. I could see everything I wanted, I could stand in one place for five minutes and not have to worry about boring someone. It’s not that I would have more fun with someone else in tow; it’s that I NEED A KEEPER!

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, by the time I had left The Show, I had embarrassed myself in such a wide variety of ways that I was considering changing my name and moving out of state.

First, I had just found a place to park directly across from the Cow Palace. I didn’t even have to pay. Of course it’s the kind of neighborhood where your car may not be there when you get back but it was a great spot.

I got out of my car carrying a few things that I didn’t want to leave in plain sight. One of these being my phone charger. I also had my old phone charger that was broken so I thought I would just throw it away on

my way into the show.

I passed a homeless woman standing by a trashcan. I smiled and threw my good charger into the trashcan. I immediately realized what I had done turned and started rummaging through the trash under the suspicious eye of the bag lady. I knew I was horning in on her territory. I found my charger. I don’t know why but I felt guilty. Are there laws about trash? Once I threw it in did it belong to who ever got it first? I apologized to the homeless lady handed her some change and ran across the street. I was in such a hurry to get away from the scary bag lady that I forgot to wait for a green light.

I made it across in one piece with only one set of screeching tires. At which point every one in the crosswalk going the other direction and everyone on the parking structure walkway turned to look at the idiot woman who couldn’t wait for the green light.

I made it up to the ticket window and realized I left my coupon for $2 off at home, no big deal.

I purchased my ticket, handed the ticket to the taker and walk through the doors.

The fragrance of earth immediately filled my nostrils. I wanted to run and look at the gardens but I had been locked in my car for nearly an hour with a low-fat Grande latte. So instead I ran to the bathroom.

The nearest bathroom was up a flight of stairs to the right. I took the stairs two steps at a time, until I came upon a group of elderly ladies. I stopped, patiently and slowly walked up the steps behind them. As we reached the top of the stairs, I could see a line developing out the door of the Ladies room.
I was feeling a bit urgent, if you know what I mean. So I turned on my heels and headed down the stairs
thinking I should get to the farthest bathroom. Because it was getting crowded and the farthest bathroom would have less of a crowd. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I decided to cut through the show. I couldn’t just run through the show. When I saw the gardens I forgot the task at hand and started to wander through and ogle. I was instantly caught up in the throngs of people and all that inspiring greenery.

I was strolling along when my bladder reminded me of my more immediate mission.

I had forgotten where I was. It’s very confusing down there in the gardens with low lighting and the people and AAAAH; I really needed to go now.

I ran through the nearest exit. Oh #^$&*, I was at the entrance to the show again. I was back where I started. This time I didn’t fool around, I bolted half way around the circumference of the show. I found the bathroom. There was no queue for the loo, ahhhh.

I was a new woman. On with the show.

How to Enjoy the San Francisco Flower and Garden Show

SFFGS A Prince's Retreat-The Gateway to a Persian Paradise. Designed by Davis Dalbok and Steven Schwager
Notice the guys head floating in space in the background.

Here are some things I’ve learned from my years of visiting the Flower and Garden Show:
If you can, go on a weekday.
Have a nice lunch beforehand, then go to The Show.
If you can get to an early lunch say around 11:00 or 11:30, this is perfect.
You wont fight the lunch crowd; you will get your choice of tables and your choice of food.
If you decide to eat at The Show, prepare yourself—the food is pretty dismal and pricey for what you get.
Arrive at The Show at about 12:30 pm.
If you’re as frugal as I am, find free parking on the streets across from the Cow Palace.
Don’t forget to bring a canvas tote bag to carry brochures and information or small items you might pick up or buy.
Some people even bring two-wheeled shopping carts with them for larger items.
At 12:30, most people are sitting down to lunch, and the garden display will have about a third as many people as in the morning hours.
People think that if they get to The Show early it won’t be crowded.
Wrong.
It’s really crowded in the morning.
They forget that most of the people who are attending are either retired or professional landscapers and designers who attend as part of their jobs.
They don’t have to go on the weekends.
You will get an hour or two to wander the gardens before things start to get crowded again.
Go to the selling booths last. That way you can get your stuff and leave without toting it around with you.
Don’t forget to check to see if your camera batteries are charged.
Enjoy.

This was probably my favorite garden. The Metropolitan Meadow: Driving Toward a Solution Designed by John Greenlee of Greenlee Nursery

Green Thumb Sunday

Soon my Azalea garden will be in full bloom. Here's a preview.

Crabby Grass

I didn't have a picture of Crabby Grass for the captian, so I used this picture of the garden "Under the Sea" from the San Francisco Flower and Garden Show. More about the show in upcoming articles.

This garden reminded me of Davey Jone's Locker. Arg.

Someone with the user name of Captain Ahab wrote to me. It seems he’s having some trouble with crab grass (Digitaria).

I think in this post I would be better off calling his problem Mr. Crab’s Crabby paddy grass.

It seems the Captain can’t get rid of it. He says it’s his “Moby Dick” and that “ over the counter products are a bunch of chum”.

Arg matey, let’s be talkin’ a little about Crabby grass then.

There be two main types of crabby grass. One be hairy (large) and the other be smooth.

Crabby grass is spread by seed.

It loves warmth so grows rapidly in the spring through the late summer and early fall.

Use a pre-emergent herbicide in February or March to keep naughty Crabby Grass at bay.

Sometimes mate, it be the condition of yer lawn and not the chum that’s the problem. You see the Crabby grass is mighty fond of lawns that are thin and unhealthy. It loves lawn that is watered too much or not enough.

The best way to be gettin’ the Crabby grass to cease is to be keepin’ your lawn thick and healthy. Water deeply and less often and keep a high mowing height. You can fertilize in the spring or fall depending on the type of grass you have, But don’t be fertilizing in the summer.

Arg matey, I hopes this helps

First Day of Spring

Happy first day of spring from Gardeners Anonymous.

Spring is officially here, even though it's been unofficially here for a couple of weeks now.

I can hear those birds a chirpin'.
I can smell that charcol burning.
Hand me a cerveza and a trowel and step out of my way, baby.

WALKWAY

Shortly after we purchased the house where we live, we found out that it had a bit of a drainage problem.

A bit.

We also needed to replace and update the entire septic system so that it was up to code.

Hence we had to tear out every bit of garden and landscaping there was—except for the mature oaks and redwoods.

The drainage experts I hired then told me that we must install extensive curtain drains in many areas of the yard. Something like 500 feet of curtain drains.

They went on to tell me that I could not have any plant material next to my house. In other words no beautiful hydrangeas at the entrance to my porch, no shiny green leaves and perfect camellia blossoms to greet guests as they walk up the front steps. No flower blossoms peeking over my windowsills.
I had to install something other that plants—masonry would be best. Were they crazy? How could I live in
such a cruel and barren world?

“What do you mean masonry?” I asked this, this so-called expert.

“Well ma’am, you know, like a walkway or a patio.” he said.

“So, why can’t my walkway have plants?” I said.

“It can ma’am, on the side farthest from the house.” He said, trying to
appease me.

I wanted plants on both sides of my walkway.

“Why can’t my walkway have plants on both sides?” I said indignantly.

Ma’am we’re trying to keep water from seeping under your house into the crawl space area.

“What’s wrong with a little water? Won’t it just evaporate eventually? Why can’t I have plants on both sides of my walkway?”

“Well ma’am, because water could collect under your house causing black mold to grow. You and your family could develop some terrible chronic respiratory disease. You might even have to tear down your house because the black mold would get inside the walls and you could never get rid of it, not from your house or your bodies.”

I starred into my drainage experts eyes for a long moment. I could hear the sound of birds chirping and the distant buzz of a chainsaw.

“I guess plants on one side of my walkway would be O.K.”

Since I couldn’t surround my house with beautiful plants I settled for a beautiful walkway. I didn’t want just any walkway. I wanted something different.

Something no one else had.

My house is a Victorian farmhouse. I thought a walkway and a patio that was a bit whimsical would be best. I am also a mosaic artist and I wanted something that was inspired by mosaics. Maybe something that even included some of my mosaics. Maybe a mosaic within a mosaic.

One last thing that I insisted on was used materials. I wanted to reuse recycled material.

I swung a good deal on some used bricks from an old building in Chicago.

Some of the bricks still had graffiti paint on them. They were beautiful. I had just ripped out the patio of a rental we owned. The concrete had an old green tint to it.

The chunks of concrete were very cool. So I came up with a design using both the bricks and the old concrete. In different parts of this design I would place small mosaics that I made.

Here is a little photo essay on the progress and the finished walkway.

Now I need to come up with a good outdoor kitchen design and my husband needs to come up with the money to build it.

Mistakes

I was thinking about starting a section in my blog called “Gardening Mistakes I’ve made”.

Then I thought about it again and I decided I wouldn’t have enough time to maintain it. And I’m not very technical, but I was thinking maybe my computer wouldn’t have enough memory for a section like that. My husband told me that
My blog wasn’t stored on my computer. But then I thought that maybe the server (is that the correct terminology?) wouldn’t have enough memory.

The point is I do a lot of stupid things.

Example. Yesterday I was having coffee with some friends. A guy came by that I’ve know for about eight years. I introduce him to my friends. “Pam, Amber, Paree, this is Craig.”

“Craig” graciously extends his hand and says “Hi, I’m Eric.”

My friends say, “I thought your name was Craig.”

He replies. “Oh, that’s just what Chigiy calls me.”

If you look at the picture above, the first thing you probably notice is my feet. The problem is I didn’t notice them when I took the picture, after all why would I, they’re only ORANGE.

The next thing that’s painfully obvious, at least to me, is some of the bulbs are in full bloom and the others are just starting to grow.

This is a mistake I make every year and I hope by writing this down I won’t make it next year.

I always mix Narcissus with tulips, thinking that I will have this lovely pot of different colors and shapes. Hello, they bloom at different times.

I did it again this year.

So, if you want to fill a container with bulbs whose flowers have diferent colors and beautiful contrasts, make sure they bloom at the same time.

Even though I goofed with the bloom times, I still think the containers look nice lining the steps to my front door.

This is the view from my front steps. My cattle dog always manages to get in my pictures. This time my boxer got a little camera action.

Green Thumb Sunday

This is my first Green Thumb Sunday. It took me a while to figure out how to go about adding GTS to my blog.

O.K., my husband did it. But I watched over his shoulder, cheered him on and brought him a cup of coffee.

I starting GTS with another boring Camellia.

This one is from my garden.

It is just so perfect I had to share it.

Angry Chicken

I saw this Nike ad video clip on Amy Stewart's gardening blog Dirt

I love this video clip so much that I had to post it on Gardeners Anonymous, too.

It reminds me of the article I wrote about my angry rooster, Mr. Peeps.

Read my article Gardening With Chickens and then watch this video. Or, watch the video and then read the article. Or, read a trashy magazine and sit in the sun and listen to your children argue over Bionicles. That's what I'm going to do today.

What's in Bloom March

It’s March 15th. This must mean it’s time for…What’s in bloom!

I am getting pretty pathetic with the camera lately.
Mostly because my eyesight has been slowly going since I turned forty-two.
Gone are the days where I could just hold something at arms length to see it.
Now I make my kids hold what ever it is and walk backwards until it comes into focus.
When I take pictures, I wear my reading glasses and use that little monitor on the back of the camera.
If it’s daylight I just hope it’s in focus.
If it’s really bright I throw a towel over my head and the back of the camera so I can create some shade.
My neighbors just walk by and stare.
Hopefully they’ll just think I’m someone famous trying to avoid the paparazzi.

daffodils

Many types of calendula

loropetalum

fava beans

salvia "hot lips"

jade

viola 'johnny jump up"

lavender

muscari

azalea

periwinkle

primrose

cyclamen

redwood

rosemary